The following was an inquiry made and addressed by Dr. Robert Wubbolding
Enjoy his thoughtful response
Thank you for your inquiry regarding the issue about "depressing" and
being depressed". Dr. Glasser is now retired and I am answering his correspondence regarding such inquiries.
There are several points that need to be made regarding this issue:
1. It is important to understand what is essential to choice theory and reality therapy and what is peripheral. The issue of choice regarding emotions is not essential to practicing or teaching CT/RT.
2. The word choice is used with a wide range of meanings. To say that we choose our emotions among which is depression is not to say that we have complete control over them. In fact, even within the theory itself it is quite appropriate to say that at times we have very little control over how we feel.
3. Therefore, it is helpful to distinguish behaviors over which we have more effective control such as our actions from other behaviors over which we have less control such as emotions. It is useful to understand this nebulous word "choice" as encompassing a wide range of possibilities. When I teach choice theory/reality therapy, I prefer to state that feelings and emotions are generated from within and not thrust on us from the outside world.
4. To say that feelings originate inside of us is not to blame or to find fault with a person who is depressed. It merely means that they possibly have more control over their feelings than they previously thought. This does not mean that they can easily relinquish a depression. Nor does it mean that a therapist should function outside the standard of care or the standard of practice.
5. Using reality therapy empowers clients and the last thing we intend to do is to blame them. For example, if people are in danger of being attacked and feel fear or panic, no sensible human being would blame them or simply say that they are choosing their behavior. Rather, a good reality therapist would say that these feelings are the best behaviors available to them at that time, perhaps the only behaviors available, and that they feel them because they have a need for survival and more specifically they want to be safe.
6. Choice theory and reality therapy do not underemphasize client history or environmental circumstances. The purpose of the 10 axioms is to illustrate that CT/RT emphasizes client empowerment without demeaning them or heaping scorn on them in any way whatsoever.
7. It is a therapeutic system based on the necessity of respecting clients and establishing a genuine therapeutic alliance with them. Therefore, empathy and positive regard are pre-requisites for dealing effectively with individuals who feel depression, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger as well as every other human emotion.
8. Clearly, the 10 axioms are an attempt to summarize complex ideas in a few words. In so doing much is omitted.
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Dear Dr. Wubbolding,
ReplyDeleteI am very glad that you've written this blog clarifying that we should not feel blamed about how we feel. I think this is a common first interpretation of choice theory/reality therapy when people are just beginning to apply the axioms to their own lives.
I think we begin learning Choice Theory by thinking, "Why am I so depressed? What's the matter with me? I could choose to be happy, according to Dr. Glasser, so what's my problem?" From there, it's easy to go on with a litany of our problems and to "guilt ourselves" with them.
What you describe here helps us remember that although we may have strong feelings, we are not trapped by them. We can choose actions and thoughts that will help us develop different feelings, hopefully happiness.
I really appreciate your emphasis on how the counselor is in a position to help their clients develop a sense of personal power, rather than helplessness.
Love,
Charlotte Wellen