Is Family Systems an External Control Therapy by Bob Wubbolding

Questions and Answers From Bob Wubbolding Regarding MFT:

Is Family System Therapy (MFT) an external control therapy?  Consider these characteristics of external control:

1.  In system therapy an individual's relationship is determined by the reaction of the other family member not how the individual meets their own 5 basic needs in the relationship.

2.  The systems therapist is an indispensable part of the family interaction and does not get out of the way.

3.  Birth order is considered a determining factor rather than the choices a person makes.

Overall I don't think there need be any contradiction between the two. Much depends on the use of methods and skills and techniques of the therapist. More specifically in answer to your observations:

1. It seems to me that it is impossible to separate satisfying one's own needs in a family from the reaction of other family members. It seems that the two are linked closely together and overlap.

2. The reality therapist is also a significant part of the family interaction during counseling sessions. The role of the counselor can be quite directive at times.

3. Not all systems rely on birth order. Some pay very little attention to birth order. Of course, Adlerians consider it a factor but not a determining factor. Most counseling systems assume that people have choices even though they don't explicitly emphasize it as does the reality therapist. 

Depression and Choice By Brian Lennon

One of the most remarkable aspects of Glasser's Choice Theory is the idea that we always choose the best we know.  Dr. Glasser has always claimed that people actually choose depression and do so not because it is painful but because it is the best option they have at the time.  Depression is not simply a feeling; it is a total behaviour.  Glasser has never shied away from feelings but pointed out that we cannot control them directly; we find it easier to change the doing and thinking components and the rest of the total behaviour changes also.  He has also repeatedly emphasized the important signalling role of feelings in our lives.

These ideas challenge the existing hypotheses (mainly chemical) about depression and quite naturally many people can at first be confused by Dr. Glasser's view.  First of all choosing and consciousness do not go together.  We cross our legs, stir our coffee and maybe even drive home from work without being totally aware of each action but, and this is the important bit, we have "chosen" each of these actions.  Becoming aware of just how much we choose in life is remarkably liberating since it opens up the option to us of choosing something different.  With greater awareness comes greater control.

Secondly, choice and blame are two very different concepts.  Blame carries connotations of censure of past behaviours by others.  For Glasser the responsibility of our power of choice is liberating, pointing to our potential to control our lives.  In helping a person become more aware of the choices he or she is making right now and the fact that this choice is the person's best attempt to date to manage their lives, Glasser is helping the person grow stronger to make even better choices.  This is very different from a debilitating and ultimately ineffective sense of blame.  

To the person experiencing the profound human pain that is depression Glasser is giving a message of hope: your feelings are telling you that something very important to you is not working the way you want it to, your thinking is telling you to play safe, to pull back, to send out signals seeking help and understanding, your physiology is doing its best to protect you.  This is not evidence of a defect, of a disorder, of an imbalance but instead is an attempt to come to terms with a problem and is a measure of how important something is to you.  The problem with depression is if the person does not heed the "change something" component of such signals and yet it can be so very difficult to try to change a situation when hope is at its lowest ebb.  The other problem with depression is when professionals do not heed the signals of their clients and, through a lack of understanding of total behaviour, label this coping strategy as an illness.  They too are choosing the best they can.  Fortunately many of them are now much more open to alternative explanations and spend more time listening to their clients.

Brian Lennon

Anxiety Disorder by Kim Olver

Questions and Answers based on an inquiry and answered by Kim Olver

* Do individuals with anxiety disorder, develop it due to the fact that their life isn't going the way they planned?
Since Glasser views all behavior as total, meaning it always comprises four components of acting, thinking, feeling and physiology, then he views anxiety as a total behavior. He also says that most behavior is chosen. What he means by the word "chosen" is that people generate their own responses to life's situations from within. They spend time, sometimes consciously, sometimes not, going through the options they have for behaving in their best attempt to get what they want. Therefore anxiety is a total behavior generated from within as a person's best attempt to get something he or she wants in the situation. Behavior isn't always effective but at the time, it is the person's best attempt. The flip side of the "chosen" part is that once a person accepts they are choosing the anxious behavior, then it becomes easier to choose something different if they want to.

* Do sufferers of anxiety disorder develop it in order to somewhat control the people around them?

Why a person would develop anxiety would be an individual matter. The question I might ask is, "What do you get when you are anxious? How does it help you?" Some possible explanations are it can get a person the help he or she needs. It can protect them from doing things that are scary for them. It can free them of unwanted responsibilities. It can get responses from others that are favorable. It can also keep people at arms length. There can be many potential benefits of anxiety (I believe psychiatrists are now calling this secondary gain), but it is an individual response in a person as their best attempt to get something they want despite the agony they also endure with the behavior.

* Do you think that anxiety disorder sufferers are more or less a degree of hypochondriacs?
The same benefits may apply but they would to many psychiatric disorders. Dr. Glasser believes that many people who suffer long-term psychiatric problems are people who have difficulty in their interpersonal relationships. The symptoms may be developed as a person's best attempt to get closer to the people they need in their lives. Sometimes it works. They get more attention from loved ones. Sometimes it doesn't but when it doesn't, a person may continue in the behavior because it's the only option they know at the time.

* Paul Dooley, who hosts the Anxiety Guru Show, has a theory that the ultimate trigger to anxiety is assumption, do you agree?
I would need more information about Paul Dooley before answering this question. I do know that as humans, we are very capable of making up stories about things that happen in our world that aren't necessary true, but are only our perceptions. When we believe our perceptions without exploring them for accuracy, it can cause problems in our interpersonal relationships.

* Do sufferers of anxiety disorder often blame the people around them for their anxious actions?
Most people look outside themselves for explanations to their problems. When things are going well, we want all the credit but when things aren't going well, it's easier to blame others. This is particularly true in our relationships. When a person isn't happy, it's much easier to blame the other person than to look inside to see how he or she may be contributing to the problem as well as taking responsibility for fixing the problem.

* In the book 'Control theory in the practise of reality therapy' which was commentated by Dr. William Glasser, an example of a woman with
anxiety was given, where she used her anxiety as an excuse to do things that made her guilty, do you think this is the case with most sufferers?
As mentioned above, the benefits a person gets from any behavior are generally individual. The important thing isn't what they gain from the behavior. The important thing is to help a person see that the behavior was generated within themselves and if they can generate anxiety, they are certainly capable of generating a more effective, more responsible behavior. I am reminded of Dr. Glasser's quote, "It is almost impossible for anyone, even the most ineffective among us, to continue to choose misery after becoming aware that it is a choice."

* Do you think that sufferers of anxiety disorder are pessimists?
I do not necessarily believe it relates to either optimism or pessimism. I believe most people with anxiety disorders have a high need for safety and there behavior, at least on the surface, is their best attempt to keep themselves safe. When you dig a little deeper, it is likely they also have an unmet love & belonging need.

* Is anxiety disorder a behaviour or affliction?
Within Dr. Glasser's Choice Theory, anxiety is most definitely a total behavior. This means that there are components of actions, cognitions, feelings and physiology occurring simultaneously. The action may be pacing and wringing of the hands. The thoughts might be "If I do this, something terrible is going to happen." The feeling is fear and the physiology is likely increased cortisol and adrenaline. In Choice Theory, we know we do not have direct control over our feeling and our physiology so the way Glasser recommends changing those components is by making adjustments to the acting and thinking components of total behavior. This is not to say medication wouldn't also be effective. Taking medicine is an action that acts on one's  physiology. This can improve the total behavior but may not get at the root cause of the anxiety so the client may feel better but not really tackle what created the anxiety in the first place.